Unknown Desolations
In theology, there are what we call consolations - the treasured moments that make us feel better as persons, as human beings. On the other hand, at the other end, there are the desolations - which normally bring us down until our last drop as good people. This is one of the Ignatian teachings that makes my logical mind and sound heart.
In times of desolations, we need to recall a bit of our consolations to fill in our full-being, to move on and be happy. It should be easy if you know what consolations will cover up those desolations but it would be detrimental if you're unaware of your desolations - in the first place. Our consolations are there but we hardly pick the right ones to heal - easily.
I have been caught up with a strange, unreasonable and illogical feeling. It sounds like real love - true love, for most of us. But I can hardly pinpoint the desolation and choose the appropriate consolation. I trembled, got totally depressed and felt really bad.
I mourned, cried a river for the first time and mourned again after this strange feeling that I have. Talking Greys, it's like an open wound never closed after an operation because there's still to be done - and it is painful, very.
It is not about me, which I am quite sure. My mind tells me to be okay and not feel bad because I shouldn't feel bad after all. It says that everythings not worth it so cut the crap and move on. But I hardly could.
I was left hanging - this best describes it. I need answers maybe, some explanations - the sound and acceptable ones. Or else this will drive me crazy.
Looking at the bright side, I believe that this is a good feeling. This is a learning experience.
(I have overcame my self issues, I became ready finding that there's was nothing to be ready after all.)
11:36 AM
Sunday, November 11, 2007
