A Confabulation
I have been stressed out lately, that's why I was not able to attend my classes for two consecutive days. Overfatigue - I guess. I had a keen sight of it but somehow I ignored it and there ya go, I got so sick. Not really a serious one but I am really bothered by it. Vomitting - grabe, I just want to forget it.
Anyway, finally, I got the chance to write down my thoughts after a long while. I even displayed my status in YM as "online after a 10 years." It feels different that for the first time this month or in months I suppose, I managed to stay in the house for the entire day. I am usually not home everyday including weekends since I have to cope with my academics - yeah, now I can call it "academics." Haha
Nothing's really up except for some mind-boggling philosophical encounters. The other day, my cousin and I, on our way to school, rode an FX going to Katipunan. It usually costs us Php15 for a direct ride and at times, we take two FX rides (One to LRT, then from LRT to Katips) for Php20, ten each. This time, the driver immediately reminded us that we have to pay him Php20 to Katipunan. To our dismay, we decided to get off at LRT and ride another FX to Katips instead of paying him Php20 for the direct ride.
Was it a good idea or was it just because of pride? At first, I thought it was lame since it will cost us the same amount, and only, magpapagod pa kaming bumama at mainitan sa paghihintay na makasakay ng isa pa. Also, isn't it the same thing with our option of taking the LRT route first then go to Katips? The only difference is that this time, we have ridden an FX explicitly saying that it will pass by Katips. What if we have ridden an LRT FX at first and then upon reaching the station, the driver suddenly offered another ride to Katips for another cost? Won't it matter more or less?
Upon thinking about it, I guess there's a great deal of difference. Since both drivers are taking chances in maximizing their income, which is not a bad thing, I guess the subtlety of their way of taking advantage of the situation is the one that matters.
Consider the first driver, the one with the direct route to Katips. Since he's asking for a fixed amount of payment, he's somewhat assuring of a fixed income that is the same if he's to take an LRT route first. While the other driver, the one with the LRT route then to Katips, asking for a fair and regulated amount compared to the first driver, is not even assured of a fixed income (worth the same as the first) since he's not sure if he would be able to take passengers by then. See the difference?
One appears to be an arbitrageur - which is not really good for humankind - while the other is just doing his way, trying to be fair with life by taking life's risks.
In writing this, I thought it's just a matter of thinking which is the lesser of two evil but later on, I realize it's not the case. It appears to be bad at first but looking at it in a deeper and philosophical way, there's goodness pala. I hope that the driver could accept his fault on this and that he'll realize the burden that he's causing his passengers - like me who was bothered by it and even came up with this one after a hell week. Whew.
Anyway, there's one thing I learned from here, that we should never look on things based on how we feel about it. We have to look at it an objective point of view, not just by saying which of which is better of two worse scenarios. And in the end, one remains important of all, that no matter how good or bad we've been, we should never fail to accept our faults. Humility, anyway, will ease the tinkering mind and unstable heart This is a confabulation to all of us. Cheers!
6:44 PM
Friday, July 27, 2007
Triskaidekaphobia
I fear the number 13, especially when it is friday. Like today.
It is at times like this that I ironically look back by sneaking forward. I tend to remember every single bad thing that happened yesterday by wondering what could happen tomorrow. Weird. The good thing is, today is the day that made me realize how vulnerable I am in making the so-called 'butterfly effect' happen.
Among the worst times I have had, losing someone is the only thing that I cannot get over about.
I wanna talk about girls this time, the ones that I somehow lost outta-nowhere.
I miss this girl I get to chitchat and catch up with whenever I confront her about her life (love life, family life, social life, etc etc) in one of my old tambayans. I usually see her in the morning - sleepy as hell. We usually laugh about each other's personal shortcomings. She has taught me things that I never knew that I could barely learn - like those that has its own spot in the town. She is one of the boys although she has girl friends. I thought we're close enough but nah. I ruined that dream with my stupid tantrums. After which, I never had the chance to spend quality time with her.
I also miss this girl who always inform me of her very unfortunate lovelife. We never talk about it in person but I have sensed her genuine feelings despite the limitation of text messaging. She never stopped ranting about her life, which we always laugh at towards the end. I lost her by expressing my sincere feelings, saying good things about her. She must have misinterpreted it. My bad.
Another is this girl that I missed. She was taken away by someone else and was driven away by some bad feelings. My hands are up about it by I ain't guilt-free.
How about this girl who appears and disappears without prior notice? Nah, I wish to talk about her some other time.
Last for this entry is this girl who was engulfed by evil. I have known her with a good heart but was made devilish by her emotions. I cannot do anything about it and it makes me feel bad. And so, she became lost in darkness and I can hardly find her anymore.
What so peculiar about these girls is that I lost them whenever I share with them a piece of me that I never let an ordinary friend see. It is just sad, especially if it comes from this fear - triskaidekaphobia.
10:50 PM
Friday, July 13, 2007
