Triskaidekaphobia
I fear the number 13, especially when it is friday. Like today.
It is at times like this that I ironically look back by sneaking forward. I tend to remember every single bad thing that happened yesterday by wondering what could happen tomorrow. Weird. The good thing is, today is the day that made me realize how vulnerable I am in making the so-called 'butterfly effect' happen.
Among the worst times I have had, losing someone is the only thing that I cannot get over about.
I wanna talk about girls this time, the ones that I somehow lost outta-nowhere.
I miss this girl I get to chitchat and catch up with whenever I confront her about her life (love life, family life, social life, etc etc) in one of my old tambayans. I usually see her in the morning - sleepy as hell. We usually laugh about each other's personal shortcomings. She has taught me things that I never knew that I could barely learn - like those that has its own spot in the town. She is one of the boys although she has girl friends. I thought we're close enough but nah. I ruined that dream with my stupid tantrums. After which, I never had the chance to spend quality time with her.
I also miss this girl who always inform me of her very unfortunate lovelife. We never talk about it in person but I have sensed her genuine feelings despite the limitation of text messaging. She never stopped ranting about her life, which we always laugh at towards the end. I lost her by expressing my sincere feelings, saying good things about her. She must have misinterpreted it. My bad.
Another is this girl that I missed. She was taken away by someone else and was driven away by some bad feelings. My hands are up about it by I ain't guilt-free.
How about this girl who appears and disappears without prior notice? Nah, I wish to talk about her some other time.
Last for this entry is this girl who was engulfed by evil. I have known her with a good heart but was made devilish by her emotions. I cannot do anything about it and it makes me feel bad. And so, she became lost in darkness and I can hardly find her anymore.
What so peculiar about these girls is that I lost them whenever I share with them a piece of me that I never let an ordinary friend see. It is just sad, especially if it comes from this fear - triskaidekaphobia.
10:50 PM
Friday, July 13, 2007
