Ostensible Finale
Soren Kierkegaard, a great philosopher, said - "Life must be understood backwards; but... it must be lived forward." I believe him but I can't really grasp the ideas that soar in my daily adventures. Everything appears to be true but not necessarily so. Ostensible, as I would best put it.
Let me try looking backward.
I never lived life alone nor did I enjoy it at full length. There are a lot of, of course, challenges I meet along with my friends, my family, and even with strangers or people that I don't know. These challenges sometimes makes me happy and sad, even wreck the tiniest nerve in me. The thing is, no matter how real it seem, it never ceases as if I never learned anything from it. The same problem occurs, the same state I end with. It is as if my life could be understood backwards but never lived forward. And that is just really sad.
On one hand, I can attest that there were really changes, minor ones like an improvement at least. But it's getting deeper. If I were to describe it perfectly, it's like a wound that started with a simple cut and became infected in the deepest layer of the skin. In other words, it's getting no better but a lot worse that one can ever imagine. Life must be it, getting deeper and narrower.
Again, it appears to be true but not necessarily so. I thought I am gonna feel a sense of hope and freedom after the helliest finals week I have had. I waited long enough for this, as I breathe the air of melancholia and excitement. But nah, it was an ostensible liberating finale.
I'm making no sense once again. Don't worry, my dear avid reader, for I will start filling this up this time. Thank God for the first semester that was.
10:44 PM
Saturday, October 21, 2006
