A Merry Christmas
On Christmas Eve
As usual, I spent quality time with my family, with our clan, the Cervantes. I tend to be so speechless talking about how amazing it has been. I think I was happy then, but I felt something missing. There’s this emptiness I have felt during those times, from the mass celebration up to the opening of gifts. But still, how come it’s not obvious in the pictures? The façade of momentous adjustment still prevails.
As happy as it may seem, I don’t think I could ask for more. In fact, I didn’t even expect to receive a present. It’s not that I already have everything, which is damn far from reality, but it’s the fact that I can’t think of what to write on my wish list. For me, this already signals the emptiness I was talking about. I dunno, I felt different this time.
On Christmas Day
The elders went to the mall and played Bingo while the youngsters stayed at home, contemplating on things, feeling the hang-over last night. When they came home, we, the bagets, decided to go on a gimmick. Kami naman! And from the bottom of my heart, it has been memorable. I couldn’t imagine how the situation was able to make us all go together, my siblings, my cousins and I, gathering us in a happy night out.
We went to Eastwood City. It’s my cousins’ treat, of course, since they’re already working. To think how busy they are, awww, it has been my pleasure. We dined in at Fazoli’s and drank Seattle’s best drinks. I ordered for a Hot Chocolate, my favorite. Hehe. I really had fun; we didn’t do anything but to bully one another. I guess, that explains kung bakit alaskador ako to my friends, kasi in our family, lahat kami mapang-asar at mahirit. It was sooooo fun.
In the midst of our bonding and asaran sessions, Sam Milby came downstairs. We’re at the terrace kasi, overlooking how people got star struck. Of course, naki-picture din kami. Haha.
The session didn’t stop at the parking lot.
We’ve gone home early for a DVD session and at last, I have seen The Notebook. I detest those who said that it’s not good at all. Oh well, I felt a big AWWW after seeing it, and it just bothered me for like 2 hours. I dunno but I couldn’t sleep that time. I found myself staring at the wall for such a long time, thinking of a lot of things. I’ve read all the messages in my cellphone hoping to see one forward-able, but unfortunately, there’s none. How stupid I have been in ignoring all the heartfelt messages I’ve been receiving all these years, and for despising the mushiness of these romantic ambience. I take my words back, now that I’m coming to feel the great rush whenever I think of you. I might have been too obvious and I owe you an apology for that, for giving you Goosebumps. I just can’t help thinking of you all the time. I may have been the worst kind that you can imagine, but I just want you to know that all these years, I have tried to be the best that I could be. I’ve gone to test my patience; I never dared to look at the directory; I didn’t dare ask it from you but rather from someone; And after getting it, I never dared to give it a shot for months. But now, I can’t let another year pass by, I gave up the patience I was building on but afterwards, things don’t seem to go well for us. Argh. I just hold on and reach for the stars hoping that they’ll conspire and make us go together; And I’ll just be here waiting.
And now, I am certain of the emptiness I was talking about.
The next day, the family holiday gimmick continues at the Metro Market! Market!
Then, I went to the wake and funeral of my block mate’s dad. I don’t think I have the right to talk about it here. Gurl, Mi, I just want you to know how I love you. I can’t say that I really know you but for the past 2 years that we’ve been together, I can attest to the incredible strength, confidence, and will-power that you possess. I believe that you can surpass these insurmountable odds that are coming your way. I really express my sincerest condolences from me and my family. I love you and I will always be here for you.
I went home, mourning.
3:51 AM
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
